Won’t You Be My Neighbor: Welcome to Mr. Rogers’ America, Exchange Your Brain for a Cozy Cardigan

By Joel Hess


“And in the perspective of infinity, our differences are infinitesimal!”  – Fred Rogers

Yes, NPR recently posted what they believe are the top 300 college commencement speeches since 1774. O thank you last bastion of free thinking! Predictably Mr. Rogers’ speech with the above quote made their braintrust.  He gave this commencement address in 2002 at Dartmouth.  Ronald McDonald will be speaking at Harvard in 2016, and Condoleezza Rice will be speaking nowhere cuz she’s a murderer.

This sentence sounds so brilliant! He cleverly used the same word twice.  Of course, it is a little forced. Who naturally says, ‘infinitesimal’ publicly?  Not even Carl Sagan could pronounce that word right the first time! No, I’ve done no research on that. Just trust me, right?  Like the logic of Mr. Rogers’ little quip.  It sounds right. Must be! And that button down cardigan makes me feel so cozy.


And to think a university would let this sentence slide by.  However, that’s the state of education we are simmering in; it’s a big expensive bowl of hot shit, which our government, funded by big universities, forces you to drink if you want a job.

Come on!  I know Fred’s dead, but we have to stop letting BS have a free flow into the minds of the minions.

From the perspective of infinity, our differences are infinitesimal.  Ahh, so our similarities are infinitesimal too, right? Oh, you didn’t think about that. What does one have to do with the other?  From the perspective of infinity? Because infinity is infinite, therefore I can say anything!  And while your mind is getting squashed by space, I’m going to slip something in your MANgarita.

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Fred’s sentence is packed with a lot of assumptions.  Does infinity exist for certain?  Does infinity mean infinite variety?  What exactly is infinite?   Is he saying that among the millions of different creatures in the universe we are all human and comparatively pretty much the same?  Are there other creatures in the universe at all? There is no proof.  So,  if we are it, then whatever differences we have become huge, right?  Even if those difference exist eternally.

And what differences are Mr. Rogers referring to?  Hair color?  Or is he cleverly referring to moral differences?  Ah yes, that’s clever.  You know, some people (not to name names) like to kill Jews and others do not.  But really in the perspective of infinity, what’s the difference!?  If only Roosevelt would have known this we could have saved a lot of American lives!


Oh, sorry. We aren’t supposed to think about this. Just post it on our Facebook status!

This is the world in which we live:  Mr. Rogers neighborhood.  Jump on the trolley, let’s go!  We have exchanged logic for feel good one liners.  We are literally enjoying NO debate about the hot topics of the day because one side uses just the Bible and the other Mr. Rogers.

Now yes, I think the Bible is better than Mr. Rogers, both because it is more sensible and I believe it is God’s point of view. The infinite God’s point of view.  However, I can have a debate on many issues of our day without quoting it and just using reason, observation, and logic.

But that has been abandoned as well, so we really have nothing to talk about.

That’s why the country is done.  We can no longer think.  Satan should be quite pleased with himself and Mr. Rogers too, wherever he is.

Won’t you be my neighbor?