Pink Viagra; a Pelagian Answer to Sexual Intimacy

By Cindy Koch

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There is a chasm that divides men and women deeply. We are no strangers to the disunity that strains husband and wife. Sexual misunderstandings are some of the least discussed issues, but the most problematic. Surely, relationships are not just about sex, but the best marital therapists seem to begin with the question, “So, how is your love life?”

But now there is a spark of a promise on our commercial horizon: there is something that will finally cure the unequal balance of sexual libido. Through a recently FDA approved drug, women will have the opportunity to be as sexually driven as their male counterpart. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? We might be on the brink of a restored relationship between the sexes, once and for all!

Intimacy between a husband and wife is an emotional conversation. It speaks of love, acceptance, trust, comfort, and unselfish joy. As with any gift from God, the bond between one flesh can be twisted into something ugly. It can be hurtful when sex is withheld. It can be shameful when sex is used to harm another. It can turn into a selfish power struggle, and end in pain.

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It is too clear that we live many moons away from the blissful Garden of Eden, where God created His man and woman to perfectly complement each other. We live on the other side of the gate of Eden, in a land that is dusty and barren, sad and unfruitful. We live in the wilderness where childbirth hurts, the toil is unending, and relationships begin broken. We are left to wonder, how do we fix this? Can a pill be the solution?

Following our Pelagian tendencies, we turn within. We look at what we could do better in our marriage, and we might come up with a pretty pink pill that promised more sex. If we could solve the problems of our fractured relationships on our own, we might take classes, go on retreats, and even go to counselling. We can dive so deep and work so hard that we might not even need Christ.

None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” Romans 3:11-12

Yes, that’s right. We can’t fix it. Our fractured marriages are the strained result of sin entering into the world. We are out of sync. Our lives are painful and we are headed toward death. Our sex is only a shadow of what it was created to be among men and women. We can make our inefficient plans to fix the problem: we can take our pills or even just lay dormant on the couch. Either way, we still end up broken.

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Unless, of course, there is Christ. He is the only one who is righteous. Our will cannot choose what is good and right. But our will is dead. It was killed with Christ. And so we are risen, too, into His new life. That means our marriage relationships in Christ reflect the good things of God once more. We love, accept, and trust because it is Christ. We are comforting and unselfish because it is Christ. Most of all, we are forgiving because it is Christ.

In our intimate emotional conversations, forgiveness heals the attack of sin. This restorative word comes from outside of our hearts, outside of our minds, outside of our efforts. We will continue to sin, hurt, and be in pain until Jesus returns, but this beautiful word of forgiveness changes our damaged relationship with our spouse. This external word of Christ spoken in our marriage causes us to love, accept, and trust each other.

I’d like to see a tiny pink pill do that!

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