By Cindy Koch –
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye
Every time I sing this song I think of you, my love. I listen to these simple words and contemplate our time together. We have had good times and bad, we have been happy and angry, we have been sick and healthy, rich and poor. It most certainly has not all been easy, but here we are – together. Looking back on our years, I can barely remember my life without you in it.
And I sing this song with a pit of fear growing in my stomach. What would my life be like if I lost you? Everything would change. You would not be by my side to watch this crazy world turn. You would not be here to counsel me through difficult decisions. Our Thursday night adventures would be lost. You would be absent from the weddings of your daughters. You would miss the passage to manhood of your son. My friend, my lover, my husband, you would be gone.
Wherever we’re standing I won’t take you for granted
Cause we’ll never know when, when we’ll run out of time.
And I sing this song with the guilt of my failed love. I know I have taken you for granted. I know I have ignored your wishes and desires. I know I have been selfish in our relationship. And I know that on this earth, we will run out of time.
So I want to love you perfectly. I want to love you without the guilt, fear and shame that I try to love you with now. I want our love to be happy and good and rich and healthy. I want it to be perfect, forever.
So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you
So as I sing this, I can beat myself into the law of love, under threat of death. Our relationship will end, and I will be held accountable for all the wrong I have done to you. So I better love you like I’m gonna lose you, or else I will regret it.
The painful reality of my shortcomings in love and the sting of our short life together try to inspire my love for you. It makes my heart hurt to imagine this life without you, and so I must do something while I have you. And yet, I have to sing this song over and over again because my love never comes out quite right. I cry and fail and regret much, and my meager attempts at love are still not enough. I can rededicate myself to a broken love every time I sing this song, but someday you will be gone.
I woke up in tears with you by my side
A breath of relief
and I realized
No, we’re not promised tomorrow
But as I sing this I remember that we are promised tomorrow. There is certainly a time for weeping and tears, there is a time to contemplate my guilt and pain, but there is more certainly a promised rejoicing in the morning! We have all been promised a tomorrow that is free from loss, free from tears, and free from goodbyes.
As I sing this heart-wrenching song, I remember that Jesus loved more intensely than my shallow and selfish love ever could. He loved me so that He would never lose me. He loved me so that I would never say goodbye. He promised that we will live forever with Him on a new earth.
“According to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” Eph. 3:16-19
I will sing this song, strengthened with the love of Christ. Caught in between an uncertain tear-stained today and a promised joy-filled tomorrow, I love you with the breadth and length and height and depth of our risen Savior. Only He could make me love you like I will never lose you. He has promised us both that we will never say goodbye.