By Bob Hiller –
Luther once wrote: “We are all beggars. This is true.” This most certainly IS true. And, right now, this truism doesn’t merely refer to my status as simul justus et peccator. I am lacking in other areas in my life as well. For example, I don’t have my tickets to Super Bowl 50. At least not yet. In just nine short days our Denver Broncos will be playing in their eighth Super Bowl against the formidable Carolina Panthers! Unfortunately, not all of us can be there to cheer our boys on. But, one of us can. So, why not me? I have no reason to believe I would be a bad guy to send to the game, do you? The Jagged Word does need some presence at Super Bowl 50, say around the 50 yard line, and I’m as good of a presence as any. So, what do ya’ say? Shouldn’t I be the guy to support Denver to victory?
I am glad to hear you agree! Let’s send the Jagged Word (that is, me) to Super Bowl 50! How can we make this happen? I’m glad you asked…for that, dear, beloved, attractive reader, is where you come in. I have an incredible opportunity for me…er…you. I am creating an opportunity for you to help me get to the big game by starting a Jagged Word Kickstarter campaign. Here’s how it works. You send me, your favorite sports/theology blogger, a healthy sum of money, and if we raise enough, I will attend the game on your behalf. I will sit in our seat, I will wear our lucky Bronco t-shirt, I will even cheer like a bat out of hell for the most insane defense Tom Brady has ever seen (they hit poor Tommy 23 times in a single game). Think of it: I will attend Super Bowl 50 for you!
How much should you give? Well, I didn’t want to bring it up, but since you asked…
The cheapest seats for this grown man’s childhood dream, the very seats he’s been praying for ever since he could speak to the Divine, start at around $4000. I know, I know, chicken scratch. It’s almost silly that I am asking you for so little. So, if you don’t like to think of me having to strain my eyes to see Cam Newton dance on the field, perhaps consider giving more to the cause. You’ve got deep pockets, I know you do. How do I know? You are on a computer right now. And those aren’t cheap. In fact, you could just sell your computer, or platelets, or whatever you need to sell to help raise the money. Great fundraising ideas can be anything from lemonade stands to a substantial withdrawal from your retirement account. Whatever works for you! Be creative and have fun with this!
For you, my dear friends, who are also big spenders (friends of the blog who want to donate $500 and up) and love to tithe to servants of the Word beyond your means (I am a pastor you know), I will even write your name on a 3×5 note card and take a selfie with it while, get this, the teams are between plays. That is what I will generously do for you, if you will only do this small, generous thing for me: help me buy Super Bowl tickets.
Just imagine, what if we could raise $10000 for us to enjoy the Super Bowl together? (Of course, I mean to say that you would be enjoying it vicariously through me.) With that much gift money, I could take my brother, whose dream it has always been to go see his beloved Broncos play in the Super Bowl. Or, better yet, I could get a better seat for myself! Just the thought of it fills me with joy!
Listen, you smart, exceptional, generous reader, you: I am not above begging, nor threatening. If you don’t pony up feel led to support this noble cause, I will find where each of you live, figure out who has the nicest TV, and camp out on your couch Super Bowl Sunday. What’s that? You won’t let me in? No problem, I’ll just press my face on your windows and scream at the game while asking your kids to bring me snacks outside. You don’t want that. Your kids don’t want that. Your neighbors don’t want that. And, the Bible says to love your neighbors. So, just send me the cash.
Let’s make Super Bowl 50 jagged! Thank you for prayerfully considering supporting my our cause!
P.S. All donations go directly to me. There is no tax right-off, either. Get over yourself! It’s not all about you!
P.P.S. The Jagged Word in no way endorses this plea for money…but they should because they say they are my friends.