Jesus Got Pwned

By Jaime Nava

God made husband and wife. The devil tempted the wife. She went outside her programming. Her work (and her husband not doing crap to stop her and also going out of his programming) caused a virus to enter into the program of creation. Now there’s lag. Now there are crashes. Now there are blue screens of death upon humanity. The Scripter could have wiped the drive and started over. He didn’t.

God gave a schematic to resolve the issue of the virus. The code was set up for God to insert a huge variable. No other variables could work. He was the author of the program, but he also allowed Himself to be fully coded. While able to erase any person inside the program from ever existing, He served them instead. He did sometimes perform certain processes outside the usual binary. The lame were reworked to walk. The sick were healed. Even the dead were raised. All the while, the Alpha and Omega took upon Himself the errors of creation. He limited Himself to work within the parameters set from the beginning. Humanity, cursed by the virus, could not recognize the logic that was given from the foundation of the world.

Then came the time for Jesus to be pwned like a newb. Everyone else sees conquering as the way to win. Jesus instead let the cheaters win. They trolled Him as He died. The Great Programmer died like a novice. What they couldn’t see was the code that was inserted into creation at His crucifixion. He beat the virus of death with His rising from the dead. He carries the marks of the virus in His hands and side. He taught this new cipher to those around Him. It was an old Word made clear. It is in this Word that even we are re-written. Our code becomes new like it was supposed to be with the first husband and wife.

The viruses in this current program, the spam of sin, the blue screens of death, the pop-ups and malware, they’ll all be erased. Everything will be reworked and renewed. The dead will be written as living. At the center of it all, when this sad process is corrected, will be Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for everyone to see. The pwned Jesus will show His 733Tness from His weakness. Those made faithful are given perfected programming. It might sound like game over, man. Actually, it’ll have just begun.