By Cindy Koch –
It’s not much, but I thought you should have it. My life should give glory only to you. And so I give my all to you. Every minute, every thought, your action will always be on my mind. Every morning I will give my time to you. In this crazy mixed up world, you should at least have the first few minutes of every day. My heart is yours, from the morning through the night. No other person or thing will stand in your way. God, you created everything, and I know this should all be yours, so I want to give it all to you.
But God, I sometimes fear it’s not enough. Not out loud, of course. But I wonder if I really love you enough. Maybe my choices today didn’t really show you are first in my life. Maybe you look at the decisions of my past when I didn’t follow you as willingly as today. Those days didn’t really count, right? I’m really trying now, and that should be enough. But what if it isn’t enough for you, ever-perfect God? I haven’t even told you about my worst days. The times when I hate to hear your word. The moments when I doubt that it is even true. Your people whom I ignore, Your ways that I can’t understand. If I am responsible for my every thought word and deed that comes from inside my heart, I should most certainly be afraid of your wrath. My will is selfish and craving after evil. The life I offer to you is incomplete and sinful.
So, God, I have something for you. Anything I can offer up to you is dirty and shameful. I secretly live in hate and contempt covered in self-promoting works. Aren’t you impressed? Even in my best work, I am soaked in my ignorance of your perfection. Your holy Word even says, “There is no one righteous, not even one.” Believing your judgment of my wicked ways, deceiving myself about my sin no longer, I know where I stand.
But something else speaks to me from outside my heart, my actions, and my life. You have a righteousness that is so very different than what I have from myself. I am afraid. I can’t trust myself to please you. I can’t count on my own will and action to win your love. I actively and passively spit in your face, and I can’t even help it. I am terrified on account of myself. But now you’ve made me understand. I never ever had anything great to give you. Instead, you have given everything to me.
I am weak. I am ungodly. And this is who Christ died for. While I was still a sinner, a filthy, awful sinner, this was the right time for a Savior to come. He didn’t wait for my best life or my incredible love. He didn’t hold back his sacrifice until I was sorry enough. No, in the deepest darkest corner of the life I am ashamed to ever talk about, this is where God shines his merciful love through Christ.
So, God, I have something for you: failure, evil, and dreadful shame. But God, I have something from you. You have freely given me Christ. You have replaced all of my filthy rags with the complete righteousness of your Son. You have exchanged all of my wicked and dark offerings with an alien righteousness from you. You have already swallowed every evil that attacks my body and conscience as I now swallow your external word of forgiveness: given and shed for me.
I’m not worried at all about what I can possibly give to you. It can never be enough. It will never pay for the depths of my sin. I’m not worried, because you, God, are not looking at me to give you more. My righteousness is a gift from the perfect Son of God. And He has already given everything in my place.