I’ve seen the error of my ways.

I used to be numbered among the ranks of those who, upon driving by a garishly adorned VBS banner, would cringe in embarrassment for the hosting church, the attendees, the Christian publishing company that manufactured the materials, and my own eyeballs for having gazed upon it in morbid fascination. My brows used to curve into satirical arches as I scoured the Nicene Creed and the catechism for mention of Rainforest Madness, or the Wonder Laboratory, or “Food Truck Party: On a Roll With God.” ($202.49 from concordiasupply.com) I used to rebuff my own offspring’s curiosity regarding said banners with a stentorian no: “If you wish to learn about blue baboon buttocks, we will visit the zoo; if you want to learn about Jesus, we will attend a church.” Meaning, of course, one that had the theological acuity to distinguish between the two.

But I have repented of such hyper-scholastic snobbishness. Too late for the benefit of my own children, alas; but not too late to make a small contribution to the benefit of later generations. More on that in a moment. Late have I loved Thee, VBS so old and so new, late have I loved Thee. (Why has nobody invented an Augustine’s “Confessions” themed VBS where all the emo pre-teens could write in diaries all day long? Somebody make note of this for future reference, please.) Scaling Gospel truths to the budding minds and souls of children is a glorious part of our heritage, at least post-Reformation – who does not love and remember “Away in a Manger?” If Martin Luther could bust out his lute and appeal to the infantile tastes of his own little ones, there is nothing to stop us from making a similar accommodation. Admittedly, the five intervening centuries and the commercialized mass entertainment industry render our context a bit different… but what possible objection could anyone raise against packaging the truths of redemption and salvation in the trappings of a cheaply produced PBS after-school special, replete with colorful graphics and interactive theme-songs that put Kraft Foods Corp to shame for sheer middle-American cheesiness??

Why, none whatsoever. And so, in penance for my past error, I offer these contributions to the ageless hymnody of the Church. Each one is a dense, symbolic “capture” of the essential Scriptural truths imparted by your Vacation Bible School curriculum – a sort of mini-catechism in musical form. They are copyright and royalty free, unlike “Food Truck Party: On a Roll With God.” You are welcome to reproduce, record, perform, and teach them to all your present and future VBS students, unto ages of ages, amen.

VBS Song #1

For use with “Rainforest Madness” or similar themes; to the tune of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”

 VBS Song #2

For use with “Cool Cosmic Explorers” or similar themes; to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”

VBS Song #3

For use with “God’s Wonder Laboratory” or similar themes; to the tune of “Wheels on the Bus”

VBS Song #4

For use with “Underwater Adventure” or similar themes; to the tune of “Baby Beluga”

 VBS Song #5

Specifically for use with “Food Truck Party: On a Roll With God.” To the tune of “99 Bottles of Beer”

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[1] Guttural simian howl or similar sound

[2] Specifically, ellipsoidal reflector spotlights or hydrargyrum medium-arc iodides

[3] This may be a thinly veiled attempt to recruit acolytes for Sunday services

[4] A non sequitur, but the rules of propositional logic do not pertain to Youth Ministry

[5] Roman Catholics, of course, begin at 73 books – making their version of this song proportionately more annoying