Disclaimer: The views and opinions presented herein are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of the DoD or its Components.

Every hotel room has one. That awkward, lonely chair in the corner.

Nobody really knows why it’s there. Some use it to prop up their luggage, others drape a week’s worth of dirty clothes on it, and the ambitious might even sit there to tie their shoes. But for some, that chair has taken on a darker purpose. It’s become the throne of the spectator husband – the man who willingly surrenders his God-given role in his marriage bed to watch someone else “do,” what he was meant to “do” with his own spouse.

That image ought to make us sick. But let’s be honest – it’s not just happening in bedrooms; it’s happening in churches, living rooms, and family dinner tables across the country. Men, far too many men, are content to sit in the chair as a spectator to their life, their faith and their families, while someone else takes their place, fills their role, and does the work they were created to do.

The church pew has become the new hotel chair.

Adam’s Chair

This problem is not new. In fact, the very first man in history introduced us to the spectator’s chair. We meet Adam in the Garden of Eden – crafted by God, given a wife, and charged with the glorious work of tending creation and protecting his bride. But when the serpent slithered in and whispered lies into Eve’s ear, where was Adam? Was he on patrol? Standing between his wife and the deceiver? Calling out the serpent’s twisted half-truths?

No. He was sitting in the chair.

Scripture says he was “with her.” With her – right there as Eve was manipulated, deceived, and dragged into sin. Adam wasn’t absent. He wasn’t at work. He wasn’t distracted. He was present, but passive. The first sin of man wasn’t a violent act of rebellion but the cowardice of sitting silently in the chair while his wife was assaulted by the devil himself.

A spectator.

And men have been warming that chair ever since.

Spectator Faith

Fast forward a few thousand years, and not much has changed. Men in our culture – and yes, men in our churches – are spectators. The hotel chair has moved into the sanctuary.

Look around on a Sunday morning. Too often, you’ll see men standing slack-jawed, hands in pockets, mumbling half-heartedly while their wives belt out the hymns. You’ll see dads letting mom drag the kids to church, while they roll over in bed. You’ll see men zoning out during the sermon, as though they were attending someone else’s wedding reception.

It’s not about contemporary worship versus liturgical worship – this isn’t a style problem. The rot goes deeper. It’s the spiritual neutering of men. It’s the willingness to be present but disengaged. The readiness to let somebody else – pastor, wife, band, choir – carry the load while they sit silently in the chair.

Men have grown comfortable watching faith instead of practicing it, spectating instead of leading, outsourcing instead of owning.

Porn, Passivity, and the Chair

This chair-sitting passivity is not just in church; it’s everywhere. You can see it in porn culture, where millions of men literally choose to watch rather than do. Where sexual imagination is shaped not by covenant and commitment, but by the cheap thrills of voyeurism. Stimulation without responsibility. The rise of “hotwifing” and cuckold fantasies is just the grotesque fruit of the same rotten tree. It’s not primarily about sex – it’s about passivity. It’s about men who are comfortable watching life rather than living it. Applauding from the shadows rather than getting into the ring and putting in the work.

This isn’t about kink. It’s about cowardice.

And the same spirit infects the church pew. Men watch worship like it’s Netflix. They let their wives lead prayers with the kids. They sit idly by while the culture catechizes their children. They watch the world go to hell and imagine they’re too small to do anything about it.

The hotel chair has become the default posture of the modern man.

From Chair to Cross

But that’s not where God leaves us. The good news – the Gospel news – is that another Man came. A second Adam. A man who did not sit in the chair but stood in the breach.

When Christ faced the serpent, He didn’t sit silently. He spoke the Word. When He saw His bride under attack, He didn’t step aside – He stepped forward. He marched into suffering, sweat, and blood. He carried the cross, bore the sin, and broke the curse.

The chair was empty, because Christ was standing. And because He stood, we can too.

That’s the call, brothers. To get out of the chair. To refuse passivity. To sing with your wife and kids on Sunday morning. To pray out loud at the dinner table. To open your Bible and read it. To lead – not with arrogance, not with bluster, but with presence, courage, and faithfulness.

Stop Spectating, Start Fighting

Men, the world is catechizing your kids. TikTok, YouTube, porn, public schools, universities, and every corporate commercial – it’s all preaching a message. You can sit in the chair, or you can counter-preach in your own house.

You see, the serpent from the Garden is still whispering – into your ear, into your wife’s, into your children’s. None of us are immune. But when a man goes passive, he leaves his whole household exposed, including himself. You can sit there as a spectator, nodding along, silently agreeing with the lies – or you can stand with your family, shoulder to shoulder, and speak the Word of God into the chaos.

That awkward hotel chair may belong in a hourly hotel suite, but it has no place in your living room. And it certainly has no place in your pew.

A Final Word

This is not a call to chest-thumping bravado or caveman antics. This is a call back to the vocation you were given from the beginning. To tend, protect, cultivate, guard, teach, and serve. To be present in your family’s spiritual life, not just a silent witness.

The spectator husband. The spectator father. The spectator Christian. He’s everywhere. But he doesn’t have to be you.

So next time you’re in that hotel room, and you see that chair in the corner, remember what it stands for. And then leave it empty.

Stand up. Lead. Fight. Worship. Love. Serve.

Because the chair in the corner is not where a man belongs. Not in the hotel. Not in the pew. Not in the home. Leave it empty.

Get out of the shadows. Get out of the corner.

Stand up and get after it.