By Scott Keith –
I have decided to channel my inner cantankerousness today. In the spirit of the season of Thanksgiving, I present to you 10 things for which I will never be thankful.
Disneyland sucks. Disneyland is a phony Saccharin world meant to deceive us into believing that it is the “happiest place on earth.” It wouldn’t be so bad if people just treated it like Magic Mountain. Magic Mountain is a fun place to go ride a few roller coasters; it doesn’t pretend to be more than that. But, no, it is all trumped up to be more than an amusement park; it is presented as the end all be all of “magical experiences.” Come on, waiting in line all day in the heat is magical? Real time spent in conversation with those you love, admire, and respect is magical. Roller coasters are fun, and Disneyland sucks!
- The 405:
For those of you who do not live in Southern California, the 405 is a freeway that runs from Los Angeles to just past my home in Irvine. It is pretty much the main artery for vehicular traffic if you live in Los Angeles or Orange County California. To put this into perspective, consider that 10.2 million people live in Los Angeles County and 3.1 million live in Orange County California. 13 million people try to get around everyday in Southern California, most whom, apparently, love using the 405. Day or night it is packed. So if you are using the 405 to travel on Thanksgiving, leave early because it will probably be a parking lot.
- Working Thanksgiving Week:
This stinks especially if you work on a university campus. The students are gone. The faculty are gone. The only people left are the staff trying to catch up on a back-log of work. It is kind of sad and a little lonely. Plus, there is a lot to do to get ready for “The Big Day.” Working during this week REALLY stinks.
- Black Friday:
I hate shopping. Shopping at its best is a necessary evil and at its worst is Black Friday. What could be worse than celebrating our over-commercialized world? Yet we celebrate it so much that we give over-commercialization its own holiday; Black Friday. In fact, it seems like we start the celebration early. All week I have been hearing adds for “Black Friday Deals,” that occur all week long and into next week. I am not thankful for false saving on useless crap in order to celebrate over-consumerism and over-consumption.
- Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving:
This isn’t really mine. I don’t mind Christmas Music any time of the year. But, nonetheless, enough people despise it that I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon and add it to my list. Fa La La La everyone.
- Santa Claus:
I am not thankful for Santa. He is of the Law not the Gospel and we seem to celebrate him as though he represents the grace of God in Christ. He doesn’t. You only get presents if you are nice. Guess what? Every dirty sinner who is never nice gets Jesus. Santa is just a creepy lie that we love to tell our children because it is fun to lie every now and then. How about we tell out kids that we bought them presents because we love them? Isn’t that better than telling them that some phony, old, fat, creeper who was watching them when they didn’t know it knew when they were naughty and when they were nice? Nope, I am not thankful for Santa.
Yay Sports! Football, of all sporty type things, is the most boring of them all. What? Do they ever play for more than 20 seconds before taking a break? Snoozer… Football is good for a fat nap after turkey, but that’s about all.
- Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade:
What the hell is the deal with the Macy’s parade? Parades in general suck, but this one seems even lamer than the Nevada Day Parade. If truth were told, I’d probably rather cheer for some hookers from the Bunny Ranch on the back of a flatbed truck than for a blow-up balloon of Garfield.
- Bad Movies for Thanksgiving Day:
I love going to movies on Thanksgiving. Movies are great. When I go to the movies with my kids, we talk about the movie before we go, during the movie (sorry people around us), and after we leave. We truly enjoy good stories. The good stories from good movies keeps us busy in great conversation for hours. When there is not a good movie to see and talk about, it kind of stinks. Hopefully we will find something good on Thursday.
- Bad Thanksgiving Preaching:
Bad preaching always sucks, but Thanksgiving really seems to promote it. You should be thankful for… Preaching on Thanksgiving often devolves to be taking the third use of the Law to the extreme rather than any Gospel at all. If you do have a service on Thanksgiving, don’t miss the opportunity to preach Christ in all his saving work to the poor sinners in the pews. Many don’t realize that holidays are often the hardest times of the year for those that struggle with deep despair and deep sin. They will often don the doors of a church once a year, during a holiday season, and they need to hear Christ alone. Make it a goal this year to preach Christ so that poor sinners like me can be thankful for Thanksgiving preaching. Send me, and others like me, out the door with a Word of forgiveness instead of a word of despair.
And finally, I am thankful for a great many things, knowing that He gives me: “clothing and shoes, food and drink, house and home, wife and children, land, animals, and all I have. He richly and daily provides me with all that I need to support this body and life. He defends me against all danger and guards and protects me from all evil. All this He does only out of fatherly, divine goodness and mercy, without any merit or worthiness in me. For all this it is my duty to thank and praise, serve and obey Him. This is most certainly true.”
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
The Cantankerous Critic