By Cindy Koch –
We have all known those people that seem to have it figured out. There is happiness, love, and even a longing to be together for years after the honeymoon. It’s like watching an older couple dance together. They both have a wise smile, and a gentle comfortable hold on one another. You can watch their feet take unexpected steps and turns, in complementary unison. They glide along together on the dance floor gracefully.
The reality is that, not many others are dancing next to them. You may have envied their ease from afar, as I have. A loving relationship with another person is something that is commonly called “hard work”. There is struggle, strife, and bad advice around every turn. It may seem easier to just jump in line and bust out the electric slide next to a bunch of friends. That way you don’t have to step on any toes or look anyone directly in the eye for too long. And I guess this is why the self-help steps are so popular; this relationship thing is not easy.
But to have that extraordinary dance with a partner, a special dance that no one else knows, is exactly what you have been made to do. You have been created to complete another. Every couple’s song is a bit different, and one couldn’t capture a list of dance moves that would swing to every beat. But these are gifts that every marriage already has. I love to hear the story of the first man and woman that were created for this thing called love. Here are a few observations from my favorite teachers.
Call it what you want; make love, be intimate, afternoon delight… But how often we forget the power of this amazing gift! Not only do you experience physical satisfaction, you are emotionally joined as husband and wife, yet again. This is as intensely personal as two people can be, completely exposed and venerable to one another. But, you are both stronger together.
Man and woman were created to fit together, walk together, and live as one flesh. They were given this gift of sex in their creation when God blessed them to, “be fruitful and multiply”. No restrictions, no worries, no shame, nothing held back. Woman and man were built for this incredibly pleasurable dance. This relationship pleased God, too. He saw their union together as “good”.
These are the people who will be there as the advocate for your marriage. When things get rough (and they will) these friends will remind you who you are. You can talk to your friends about the uncomfortable situations that may arise, and they will point you towards good advice. They are bold enough to defend your spouse and help you see the other side, especially if it is not what you want to hear. Men need men to build each other up and go out for a beer. Women need friends who can sympathize and encourage.
Can you imagine if Eve would have had a girlfriend to remind her of God’s Word not to eat? Or maybe to simply remind her to listen to her husband? Words are very powerful and can be used for both good and evil. Every good relationship must find good words to help it live.
Time and time again I meet amazing couples. They all seem to make this spending time together a priority. There is a schedule, if need be. But it is very important to them to go out, just the two of them, no kids or friends. It removes both man and wife from their everyday tasks and focuses attention on one another. There is anticipation to enjoy the company of one another. It is a great time to talk about all of those things that become conflicts; money, children, expectations, situations, just to name a few. There might be anger or joy, sadness and tears. But whatever comes, you do it together.
Adam was somehow absent from his wife when the terrible situation went down. The Devil played on this separation of God’s final creation. That sneaky serpent cornered the woman to make a decision, a big decision, on her own. But she was created to help Adam. How confusing it all became; there was so much betrayal and sadness. God made sure this was not the end of His married couple. There was blaming, there was shame, I’m sure Eve cried, there was pain, but there most definitely was a conversation.
On my wedding day, Dr Rosenbladt stood in front of all of my friends and family to pronounce I would be joined to this sinner for the rest of my life. My husband and I looked at each other with stars in our eyes, wondering, “How could this be? You are perfect to me!” As our married life began, we realized the wisdom in his words. Much of our life goes on together only because we can forgive each other. I’m a pretty terrible wife much of the time. But somehow I am worth it to Christ, so much that he gave his life to protect me from the eternal death I deserve for my actions. So, those things that might make my husband a terrible husband, I see through the eyes of a forgiving Lord. If I can be forgiven, he can be forgiven. Together we love each other imperfectly. But, together we forgive each other completely because of Christ.
Adam knew this secret before Jesus ever descended to the dust. God tells the first couple that a son will be born who will have victory over this pain, distrust, and strife they now experience. So even after the fighting, after feeling the pangs of hunger, thirst, and loneliness for the first time, Adam turns to his wife. Believing that promise of God, he forgives her. He says, “You are the mother of all the living. You’re sin will not define you, God’s promise of life is yours, and mine.” God’s promise makes that sinner perfect.