Finding Friends

By Cindy Koch

To endure through this life, you need friends. You don’t need to win any popularity contests or fill our social calendar every night of the week, but a single supportive person will make the difference in finishing the race. However, what happens if you find yourself with no one to lean on?

Through the years of college and seminary, moving here and there, and discovering my place in this world, I have met many whom I am privileged to call a friend. But moving “home” to California left me considering this quest for friendship. Although I was back to the beach in the sunshine closer to family, I found myself scouring the landscape for the friend I so dearly need.

Thinking back to my cozy Georgia home, it was filled with many friends. We would share our Thanksgiving and Christmas table with neighbors, church family, and rugby players. We would Low Country Boil with nearby pastors and “Bloody Bucket” biker bar friends. We would share our favorite wines at our home bible study, we were involved in the lives of our young high school couples and our older-wiser mentors. My husband and I truly were blessed with an army of loving, special, amazing people.


And so, how do I find the amazing loving people who live here? How can I trust another to counsel me with the wisdom I had grown to count on? Who do I call when I am unsure about that thing on my daughter’s arm?

Facebook and phone calls are not quite enough to connect me back to my friends. They have lives that are happening thousands of miles from my understanding embrace. I have problems today that will be solved before tomorrow’s conversation. Sure we will still be friends, but let’s be real, I need you by my side.

How do I find my friend? It takes time.


My husband reminds me of our situation back in Georgia, surrounded by friends. We had the gift of time with those precious people. When we had a Sunday School meeting at our house, that meant our friends would be there until late in the evening; we had time. When I called my best friend to again look at that weird thing, now on my daughter’s elbow, she was there in a few minutes; she had time. When I spent every holiday surrounded by these friends from all walks of life, we enjoyed each other because we all had time.

So I am beginning to find friends that I can depend on, right here. Morning workouts with fellow busy mamas, bible study with new wise mentors, wine and pedicures with honest conversation, I am committed to giving new friends my time.