Revolt! Start a Family

By Joel A. Hess

Want to start a revolution? A coup? Overthrow the world? Raise your fist to the man? Get married and start a family!

This past week, I was so excited for this recently engaged couple sitting in my office that I charged them to do exactly that. We were talking about having kids. Of course, they expressed the typical desire to wait for a little bit. Oh, they had their little mundane dreams of going to the casino and not getting a babysitter, I guess.

I looked right at them and said, “You wanna start a revolution? You wanna burn down the power structures of mankind? You wanna say no to the drivel on TV with flesh and blood? Start having kids now!” It isn’t settling down. It isn’t planting yourself in a suburb and buying a leisure suit. It’s forming your own government. It’s subverting the direction of western civilization. It’s going west young man, marking your territory with piss, planting a flag in the wilderness.

You’re gonna raise ‘em like they should be raised. You will put your dreams, your ideals, your hopes in ‘em. You’re raising an army that will say no to the mediocrity of our increasingly blah society. You’re gonna blast Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds as loud as your stereo can afford and watch your boy shake away. Then at night, pray “thy kingdom come.” Subversion has begun!

Who cares who you voted for? Who cares about your theory of politics or the economy? You are creating a kingdom!

At first, I thought I might have gone too far and scared them. But the guy had a twinkle in his eye when he heard my manifesto. He related. I could tell that those same thoughts had filled his head before. He just didn’t know how to give them words or wasn’t sure if they were safe.

Moses says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” A new society is sprung!

The ol’ GK speaks the truth when he writes, “The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children.”

Of course, I’m not advocating for the absolutely boring rebellion going on in the mainstream Hollywood sitcoms as they display unique families and beige dreams. What do you expect from such sad people who still think all swans are white. I’m not talking about raising republicans or democrats. Boring!

I’m talking about something far more revolutionary, avant-garde, and adventuresome! I’m talking about a kingdom where God forgives sins and the dead rise from their graves. I’m talking about a place where there is discipline for sure, but the dog doesn’t always eat the dog. Why? The father knows the Father and therefore knows forgiveness!

Everyone adores Edison who invented the lightbulb or Jobs who gave us the iPhone. Have a child with your beautiful wife! Raise her in the fear of the Lord. You have done a greater thing.

Light the fuses! Lock and load! Revolt away!