Learning to Love My Wife

By Graham Glover

I met my wife 16 years ago this October. A couple of months later we were in love. A year and a half after that we were married, and for the past 14+ years our love for one another has sustained our marriage and our family.

Lately though, the love I have for my wife has changed. I’m not sure why this is happening or when it started. I know this change isn’t a bad thing, but it’s certainly different. It’s not affecting our marriage in a negative way, even though I can’t fully grasp what’s going on. I suppose the best way to describe this change, is that I’m learning to love my wife.

That’s right, I’m learning to love my wife over 14 years after we were married and over 15 years after I first told her, “I love you”.

This isn’t me trying to go all Hallmark, repackaging some cliché like “my wife makes me a better man”, or “my wife knows me better than I know myself.” While both of those statements are true, it’s not what I mean when I say I’m learning to love my wife.

The best explanation I can give to what I think is happening, is that I am seeing in my wife the full embodiment of love.

I love my wife in every way that I know how to love a spouse. I know that she loves me too. But she is so much better at it. She loves me far more profoundly. She loves me much more unconditionally. And she shows her love – to me and our children – in ways I can’t even begin to understand.

So yeah, I’m learning to love my wife. I’m learning to love her in ways I never dreamed possible. I’m learning to love how she loves. I’m learning that the love she shows and the love that she gives is the example I should be setting. It’s how I should be acting. It’s how I should love her.

But my love pales in comparison to my wife’s. My love falls sort in every category when measured against my bride.

This, I think, is why I’m finally learning to love my wife – because she knows what love is. And the more I look in the mirror, the more I realize that I have a long way to go. She deserves better. But thankfully, she has given me a picture of the love I should give her. Every single day, she shows me the way I should love her and our children.

So, if it’s alright with her, I’ll keep learning to love my wife. I’ll learn to love her complete commitment to our marriage vows, as she always stands beside me, despite my increasing number of faults. I’ll learn to love that her faith is the standard for our marriage. And I’ll learn to love what true selflessness is – an attribute I clearly don’t have and one that she illustrates every day.

I love my wife. I’ve loved her for years. I’ll love her forever. But I’m learning to love my wife lately. I’m learning to love everything she is. Because what she is, I am not. The love she gives, is a love I should as well.

I love you Alison.

2 thoughts on “Learning to Love My Wife

  1. Do you think it’s accurate as stated, “for the past 14+ years our love for one another has sustained our marriage and our family.” Or, might it better be said (as I’ve heard elsewhere), “our marriage has sustained our love and our family.”?

    I’m in a position right now where I can confidently say (for over 26 years), “I grew to love my wife, married her, and always will love her.” But like you, I saw that my wife loved much better. In fact, I failed her and she is seeking a divorce. As our current relationship progresses, it may not be long before my feelings change and I don’t love her. I fear that day. But I did not have a marriage that sustained OUR love, and most pointedly, my love failed to sustain our marriage.

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    1. edsme, I think it’s probably both. That is, our love has certainly sustained our marriage AND our marriage (our commitment to it, rooted in the vows we took) has sustained our love and family.

      I’m very sorry to hear of the situation with your marriage. I will pray for you and trust that God’s grace will guide you in the days and weeks ahead. The Lord be with you.

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