Do you ever wonder if you believe in God? His history. His people. His promises. His Kingdom. Do you wonder if it’s all true? 

But that’s not my problem. I wish it were. If I could just question the veracity of the claims, and wonder about my place in the world. That would be easier. 

But no. I believe in God. 

And my salvation is only through His Son.

So that means I live in freedom. I trust in His promises. I hope in His Word for things I don’t see. I can’t see. Whether I want to or not. And that’s a scary place to leave yourself. 

Have you considered my servant Job… (Job 1)

Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather! And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. (Psalm 39)

God will not leave you alone. But you will feel like He does. You will believe, even though you don’t know how to hear His voice. You will endure. Even though you have forsaken your first love. You will go through moments when the trials become too much. So what do you do? Don’t lie to yourself, that He doesn’t exist. You already know He does. You still believe dummy. You just can’t reconcile your life. It is absolutely your problem, not His.

But we miss our faith behind rose-colored glasses. Like a newborn baby. Drinking the spiritual milk. Satisfied with the answers and not the questions. But the heaping questions expose our faith. Trusting in a God that we don’t see or hear. Enduring to the end when the end is near. 

But the glasses do come off, eventually. And you see your disappointing life with a silent God. And then you ask some questions.

Is God just silent for me? 

Why does Stephanie seem to talk to Him? 

Maybe He is not so silent. Is it my frame of mind?

Am I productive? 

Am I helpful?

Am I free?

Is this the most we can hope for? As we slowly are dying. Are we making it more interesting than it really is? Will I get to put the glasses back on? Maybe if I’m good enough or positive enough or…

It doesn’t matter one bit

About what I can see 

About what I have seen

From the inside of me

Re-adjusted vision

After the rose-colored glasses

Fuels an ugly, messy faith 

In a God whom I still trust.