After placing the body of Christ into the hands of parishioners for almost eleven years, I have noticed how diverse the literal reception the sacrament can be. I mean, literally: how do people take the sacrament? Sometimes my brain reaches out to name these receptions and I, with my dark sense of humor, fight against a giggle as I give them a name.
I don’t draw, so if someone else wants to add sketches be my guest. It might be funny. It might also be mildly blasphemous, distracting, or at least seem disrespectful. Obviously that’s not my goal. But it is funny. So without further ado, what label describes you taking the body of Christ?
The Classic Standard
This is the way most people are taught to receive the sacrament: you place one hand over the other, both open and palm up, and hold it out flat. Pretty simple, and pastors like this way because you’re prepared to receive and there’s a nice little table you made with your hands.
The “Where’s My Change?”
This is similar to The Classic Standard, only one-handed. Usually the hand is up higher than the Classic, giving the impression that you are waiting for the clerk to give you your change. But the hand is still flat, like a table.
The Cedar Point
Sometimes continuous line (or “drive by”) distribution is necessary, usually on Christmas and Easter, just to save time for the number of people. But really, there’s no rush. Those who utilize the Cedar Point feel the pressure of the people behind them, so keeping the line moving is preferable to stopping, facing the altar, and eating. Also called Punching the Timeclock.
The Handshake
Maybe it’s arthritis or something. The handshake might have a hand underneath, but the main hand taking the host is less like a table and closer to a 90-degree angle. I think of Bilbo’s hand when he slowly dropped the One Ring on the floor of his hobbit house, and I am worried you’re going to drop it. Because then I’ll have to pick it up and eat it off the floor and give you a new one.
The Frog
I personally reserve by-mouth reception for when other pastors are feeding me. They aren’t unnerved by it like some laypeople are. At any rate, the frog’s tongue goes way too far out of their mouth, but somehow they manage to stick it, eat it, and avoid getting saliva on the presider’s fingers.
The Turtle
The opposite of the turtle. Is your tongue even out? Or do I have to reach all the way into your mouth? Otherwise it’s a gamble of closing your lips around the bread and not also the presider’s fingers. You like the guy, but we’re just friends.
The “Where am I?”
No matter the setting, you do see and hear the presider coming. Yet when he gets to you, you’re almost surprised at what is happening. So the flow gets stuck a tad. This is also the look a visitor gets when they’re looking around at the other people to make sure they’re doing it right.
The Venus Flytrap
My personal favorite for the imagery it brings. The hand is open like the Classic but when the host is placed on the palm the fingers snap shut over the presider’s hand. Would that we’d all be so desperate for the body of Christ.
The Guitar Pick
No palms, just a reach-out with the thumb and forefinger. Could also be called The Candy Bowl.
The “Dealer’s Choice”
I see we’re making eye contact. Is it … by mouth or … what are your hands doing? Help me out here.
The Cold … Might be the Flu
The art of intinction is harder than it looks. You dip the bread into the cup, getting enough wine to coat the host, but not so much that it drips between the chalice and your mouth. Please do this if you’re feeling sick.
The Oliver
“Please sir, may I have some more?” The hands are Classic, but raised high enough that the presider sometimes has to take a step back. If not stepping back, then he doesn’t have to bend over. Good for preachers with bad backs. Even better for the sinner who wishes to make no bones about it: I want the body and blood of Christ and I want it now!
