Son,
Most often, what a man has to say to his son will describe experiences that the boy has yet to have. Because of this, what he has to say are mostly warnings and cautionary tales about what is to come, like aphorisms enshrined in an unread tome yet to be discovered. But this doesn’t make the endeavor useless, just predictable. Still, I want to speak from the heart of what I’ve learned about being a man. None of my ramblings are simple nor cleverly thought out but perhaps in writing them to you I might impart some shred of wisdom, perhaps I might even help myself in understanding what this all means as my days continue to ebb away.
To begin with, a man must be strong.
I mean this both as a physical trait and as a description of a man’s character. A man must be strong. Strength, physical strength, is crucial to manhood. You must be able to move with purpose and intent, and if times call for it, with violence as well. The training of the body to endure physical challenges is part of the function of manhood. It gives a sense of control, a dominion over the world around you. A man is not to be reduced to a spectator or a collector of curiosities. Through physical trials, you press back against the uncertainties of life, and you gain a sense of lordship over the mundane that is crucial to one’s sanity.
Physical strength enables you to etch out a place to plant your feet with some certainty, not easily moved or pushed aside. And while I hope that you do not end up being a violent man, I do hope that you are capable of violence. For this potential violence lies at the root of true humility and kindness when dealing with others, especially those weaker or more timid than yourself.
But beyond this comes a different strength. I’ll call it a strength of character. And this is the strength that will challenge you far more than your physical abilities. Perhaps we might say it is the strength to speak when others won’t or to be silent when others can’t. It is difficult to say where this strength comes from, for certainly not all men have it. I suppose, like physical strength, this strength of character comes through outside forces that offer resistance and correction to the usual routine of life.
St. Paul in writing to the church in Philippi says this, “Let your manner of life be worthy[ of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.” Paul calls for this character among the believers because they are living for something larger than themselves, larger than their appetites and desires. The Gospel of Jesus Christ affects their life in such a way that they stand firm and strive toward a goal that is different from what everyone else is doing. They are not easily frightened because they live for a greater, more noble cause.
A “life worthy of the gospel of Christ” is a life that struggles through repentance and belief in an endless cycle that fashions your character before all opponents, spiritual and temporal. You see, physical strength is crucial if you are to be good at being a man, but this strength of character is absolutely necessary if you are to be a good man. And it is my hope and prayer that you become both. For such a man is in short supply but they are desperately needed.
Love, Dad.