“Why not rather suffer wrong?” says Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:7. “Blessed are you when others revile you,” says Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount.

This is a unique time in my life. I suppose every time is unique, but my family is embarking on what I would call Phase 4 (Phase 1 is pre-kids, Phase 2 is babies, and Phase 3 is everyone in grade school). Phase 4 is High School. For the next 9 years, we’ll be slogging our way through adolescence and unfurling wings until these baby birds fly out of the nest—or we push them out.

The start of this Phase is causing me to reflect on the most important messages and lessons I can afford to impart. Faith, family, integrity, grit, dedication to regular worship, and reigning in hormones to find a good and faithful spouse are all top priorities. I actively look for teachable moments to impart these values to my children.

But foremost on my mind, these days are several occasions where I’ve witnessed—or been the object of—someone who has been wronged.

Everyone is wronged at some point. Some are wronged more than others. By “wronged,” I mean someone acts or reacts to you in an unjustified way. You are, to use a tired and overused phrase, victimized. It can be large (someone murders you) or small (someone slanders your reputation on social media). But how you react to being wronged can make all the difference in the world for your well-being, integrity, and reputation.

Here’s what not to do:

Someone wrongs you, so you react emotionally. You call them out, chew them out, or take to the streets (as it were) and drop passive-aggressive phrases on Facebook. You have lunch with a friend and say, “You’re not gonna believe what So-and-So said.” At this reaction and others, you have your reward. You’ve gotten it off your chest, you’ve probably gained a sympathetic audience, and, more importantly, you’ve gotten your revenge. Then the person who wronged you is damaged—but so what? They started it.

Please don’t do that.

Here’s what you should do:

Just take it. Pray to your heavenly Father in secret who knows in secret, and he will reward you with righteousness and integrity. Pray for the one who wronged you that they would receive the gift of repentance and faith in Jesus. Your silent suffering will be mitigated by the knowledge that it was unjustified. And that suffering will produce perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope. In that hope, you will not be disappointed.

This lesson I have been striving to imbue into my children, and in these last days when everyone in our society is a whiny, crybaby victim, I know from deep and painful experience that in a race to the bottom, only the regret of hell awaits. So take it; take the abuse. Take it like Christ did, and pray for their forgiveness.

I was recently in a large and important meeting, and the room was tense. The speaker had wronged the group, and certain members of the group had wronged the speaker in response. The details are not important. To his credit, the speaker began apologizing for his wrongness but immediately lashed out accusatorily and berated those who had wronged him. He was wronged, and I was ashamed of my colleagues who had wronged him. But the “I’m sorry but” that the speaker gave showed me his lack of integrity, and I lost what little respect I had left for him. Why not rather be wronged? The ones who wronged you will carry their own shame; you don’t need to splash around in the mud with them.

Our school staff just had our annual retreat, and the principal ran us through an exercise where we wrote down ten things someone should know about you when working with you. Two of the items I wrote were these: one, when I have done wrong, I will lose sleep over it until I seek forgiveness from the one I’ve wronged. And two, I will not lose sleep over the opinions of people I do not respect. Obviously, I think those are good things (because they’re about me). But I also feel very strongly that these are good values to live by.

Why not rather be wronged? What possible benefit can you glean from revenge, even if that revenge is only complaining? It only hurts you; it hurts the one who has wronged you; it hurts other people who had nothing to do with it. Let Christ’s sacrifice and Paul’s imprisonments be your guide.

So when you’re wronged, just shut up and take it. Pray for them. Move on. Recently, I was driving and thinking about someone who wronged me. I never told anyone; I just told God (who already knew). I did not react to the person; I did not respond; I just got cut and bled a little (figuratively). Then, I did what the apostles did in Acts 5:41. I thanked God for the opportunity to be wronged.

And wouldn’t you know it, I got a good night’s sleep.