By Bryan R. Salminen –

A friend of mine took the GRE  5 times. The GRE stands for the Graduate record examination and is a necessary evil requirement for most graduate schools. Each time he took it, he came out thinking how dumb he really was. He took it 5 different times because he kept graduating and going to a new university and each time he was hoping that maybe this time, this year, he would shine and prove to the world he was smart. Although the exam is not graded on a pass/fail system, he knew he had failed miserably. I met him after one attempt and outside it had been raining and there was this huge rainbow “Look,” I said, and I meant it, “I just want you to know that whatever exam results you get I think you’re a really kind and lovely person and to me that is far more important than any exam results. And I know this too, being the kind and the caring person you are is actually far more important in your life than any grades in an exam.”  “Thank you,” he said, but without sounding at all convinced. But it is true – my friend is an incredibly kind person – he notices the person sitting on their own in a gathering and goes over to talk to them, he notices if someone is upset, he is attentive if there is work to be done or a meal to be prepared, or washing up that needs helping with, he has nursed his guinea pig through cancer, he is brilliant with a mom who has dementia; he is incredibly kind. But you don’t get grades in kindness or generosity or thoughtfulness or awareness of others. You don’t get GRE’s in compassion or attentiveness. And yet those qualities too are the essence of the formation of our lives.