Category Archive: Cindy Koch

My Bitter Heart Is A Mask Of God

By Cindy Koch –

In June of 1999, I experienced humidity for the first time. Growing up in Coastal Southern California, the only time I ever inhaled dense wet air is when I happened to set foot in an indoor pool (which was very rare, even then). But that summer, seven months pregnant, I breathed the heavy hot atmosphere of my new home in St. Louis, Missouri. Two newly married crazy college kids had just embarked on this adventure called life. Paul and I had graduated from Concordia Irvine. He was pre-sem, and I left with a smattering of theology course credits. BA degrees done, we looked into the future excited for what the future held.

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The Failure of Men

By Cindy Koch –

My oldest daughters are right in the midst of their teenage years. As it goes with adolescents, we have recently been introduced to a few young men who have captured their attention. As I shake the hands of these boys, a terrible accusation rolls around and around my head but has not yet dared to reach my lips. I know you are a sinner, and you will probably hurt my little girl.

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Seek God’s Will – Spit in the Face of Christ

By Cindy Koch –

We’ve all done it, perhaps some more than others. It usually surfaces when we are at a cross road, an important decision, or an uncomfortable spot. Sometimes it is in response to something really terrible; a death, a loss, or an extreme sin we find within. It flashes through the mind of almost everyone who loves our Creator, Redeemer, and Preserver. We take a step back and ask, “What is God’s will for my life?”

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Life from Death

By Cindy Koch –

Shaking my head, slowly opening my heavy eyes, I saw them for the first time. A grey film smothered the features of their face. Glassy fixed eyes stared right through me. Rotting flesh appeared to drip down their cheeks around their gaping mouth. They limped and stumbled aimlessly around the room, unable to see. They terrified me; I thought I was lost in a nightmare. But it was only a Tuesday afternoon.

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When Church Is Too Hard

By Cindy Koch –

I dread Sunday morning. Nervous sleep pesters me until about 6:30 am. The alarm finally rings, giving me official permission to begin preparations. I shower and dress quietly and cautiously, so as to not wake the babies in the next room. I knew once they were up my hands would be busy with them, and I might not get to my makeup this week, again. Throw on the dress, wipe on mascara, just in time.

“Moooooom!”

The little ones meet the morning with cranky, hungry tears and wake the older ones, also now grouchy from the rude awakening. As everyone tumbles out of bed, they limp to the kitchen looking for food. “Sunday morning church!” I say.

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Dear Dad…

By Cindy Koch –

Dear Dad,

I can’t even begin to describe how upset I am. I have terribly let you down. Buried in secrets, I thought I was just having a little fun. But now exposed in the light, I am sick with myself. I know that it was wrong. Even while I was flirting with him, something in the pit of my stomach held my heart back, just a little. I knew that you were not OK with this. I knew that you expected more from the boy who would try and hold my heart.

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Twenty-Minute Hell

By Cindy Koch –

Burning. Panting. I can’t quite catch a deep breath. Pain from my stomach shoots into my limbs, frizzling, tingling all the way to my fingernails. Fuzzy fire prevents my legs from moving any faster. I have growing fears they will give out on me every unsteady step I take. A single ankle screams and clenches fast to my foot, threatening to twist off the course. Claws of breath scratch from the inside of my chest. My heartbeat punches the back of my eyeballs. Red with determination, I fight to keep them open and focused, even under the boiling, stinging sweat.

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Where are the women? We’ve been here the whole time.

By Cindy Koch –

I know, I know. Ladies, don’t be too hard on him. The Man has posed an honest question about our society and our faith. He observed that men can look like sexist jerks by believing the word of God; so where is the honor for women today? He tried to stand up and defend our freedom, but we know how very short that answer falls. It’s easy to wonder on the outside, rather than to be the woman who must mold her life in the midst of the muck.

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Evangelism by Procreation

By Cindy Koch –

Watching a birth is a single most amazing revelation of the creative powers of our God. Even if you don’t believe in a God, you cannot escape the complex miracle of human life produced before your very eyes. The small soft tissue grows to resemble the eyes and skin and breath of the very same creature from where she came. Tiny blood vessels and miniature fingers, soft eyelashes and little baby toenails. This wonderful creation is born completely helpless and dependent in relationship with her parents and her God.

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Nightmares

By Cindy Koch –

“RUN!” Brian screamed. A startled pack of neighborhood children scattered across the dark foggy grass. I remember tripping over my younger next door neighbor, Andy, and skidding across the black damp lawn. Several terrified lengths behind the safety of the frightened group, I was exposed. Screeching tires pierced the deathly quiet night, and I knew they were coming for me. Trembling and clumsily finding my balance, I peeked over my shoulder to see how much time I had to hide. But just as I looked back, a rusty mud-stained Ford pick-up swung its evil headlights around that fatal house on the corner of my street.

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Never Say Goodbye

By Cindy Koch –

I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

I’m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye

Every time I sing this song I think of you, my love.  I listen to these simple words and contemplate our time together. We have had good times and bad, we have been happy and angry, we have been sick and healthy, rich and poor. It most certainly has not all been easy, but here we are – together. Looking back on our years, I can barely remember my life without you in it.

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A Distant Dream?

By Cindy Koch –

The air was fresh and calm. A young sun wrapped the new earth in a blanket of perfect warmth. The whole creation seemed to take a tranquil sigh. It was a glorious day of naming beasts and birds for Adam. The Lord had brought every animal to the man: furry, feathery, scaly, large and small, brave and meek. They poured out from every corner of the green field, but now each receded into the background as the earth fell quiet, again.

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